We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
