The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
