Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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