I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize