fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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