He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
