he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
