i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
