I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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