You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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