Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize