whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We have so much sex to catch up on
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
