i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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