I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
