You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
