I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
