Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
