It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
