Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
