Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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