haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize