I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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