Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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