Someone shit on the floor
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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