I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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