I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
