So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
