I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize