I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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