Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
