wrigley field is MILF paradise
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
