She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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