It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You are a genius and a whore.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
