The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
