I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My feet surprised me
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
