I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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