he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
