if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
