and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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