break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
