Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
