The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
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