He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you win again, gameday.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
