My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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