he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
