Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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