WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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