I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize