I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
did i walk over a car last night?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
