I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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