There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
