Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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