Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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