I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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