Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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