It's like God shit irony all over that family
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
