So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
