Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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