they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
