he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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