Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Someone signed my nipple.
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