Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
