I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
